Do you have children that are great at back talking to you? Do you have a young child that seems immune and indifferent to any type of discipline you use towards them? If so, this is the episode for you!

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Question #1 Rachel:

I have two boys, ages 16 and 7. They have gotten into the habit of replying to me with bad attitude and snarky tones. I’m trying not to raise my voice. What do I do?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

You are a good student!
You used the word, “Respond,” not “react.”
“How much should I tolerate?” is a good question. You are not the punching bag!

Here are two tips for you:
1. When they fire at you, instead of firing back, try this pocket-phrase:
“Oh, really? I'm not sure I caught that. Can you repeat it for me?”
By saying this, you take back the authority.
2. Use the tough love approach. “No, I don't feel like doing anything for you right now. You were disrespectful to me earlier today.”

Question #2 Louise:

I have a young child who acts indifferently to punishment I am using following the book Have a New Kid by Friday. What should I do?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Remember that this book is directed at 5 year's old and up.

This behavior may be a clue that you have a powerful child. He won't flinch. What he is saying is, “I am in charge.”

I would recommend reading, Parenting your Powerful Child.

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Just imagine that your 16 year old daughter announces after dinner that she is 3 months pregnant. What do you do? How should you respond? Listen to this fascinating episode as Dr. Leman explains his view on this topic.

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NOW WHAT?

Take a second serving of dessert…
Embrace her…
Think about her anguish…
And tell her, “We will get through this.”

Now, LISTEN to her. Hear her plan. Don't correct her or shame her.

It will take time to hear her plan out. Let her wrestle with the realities, and let her come to the best conclusion after flip-flopping her plans several times.

What are the options?

Some choose abortion, which I am not a proponent of.

Some choose to keep the baby. In which Mom and Dad end up raising the child, and all sorts of family stresses are created.

Some choose adoption. This is the best psychological option for the daughter. She will know, “I did the right thing.”

A great book on this topic is A Chicken's Guide to Talk Turkey with Your Kids About Sex.

You won't want to miss this podcast episode!

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Do you have a child that you can’t leave because they are too clingy? Are you wondering what age is ideal to start implementing Dr. Leman’s teachings? These are the two questions that Dr. Leman answers on this episode.

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Question #1 Dani:

My clingy 9 year old won't let go of me when I drop him off at school or camp. He will run after me. What do I do in that moment?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

He is using what I call “purposive behavior.” He has a reason for doing it. He knows he will get a response from you.

Next time this happens, you need to simply turn your back, walk away and don't say a word. Don't even try to reason with him because he will just draw you back in.

You can explain to him at another time, “You need to go to school; this is your job.”

Question #2: Kelsey

At what age can I begin to implement your various parenting strategies?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

First of all, there is a danger if you over parent/micromanage your children.

Here are some examples of ages when kids are able to respond to various strategies:
1. Your 14 month old needs to be removed from a scene to a playpen.
2. Your 3 year old can handle you “stepping over her” when she throws a fit.
3. Your 5 year old can understand when you say it once and then walk away.

Have a New Kid by Friday is a book full of good techniques to start using at age 5.
Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours is good for all ages. (New revision coming out this fall!)

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Have you ever felt like you have accidentally messed your child up? How can you correct the mistakes you’ve committed? Listen to this episode to find out what Dr. Leman has to say!

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You have gotten to know Doug and Andrea a bit throughout this podcast. Here is a peek into a struggle Doug is having with his middle son, who happens to be a lot like him.

It is easy to fall into correcting and expectations of our kids. Ranting when they let you down won't help the situation.

I offer a simple, yet profound solution to Doug's struggle.

Apologize

Kids love us anyway. Despite our rants.

Empathize with that kid. Get behind his eyes. Make a conscious effort to point out good.
Handle the gift of this son with tenderness.
Next time, stop and ask, “What is the new Doug going to do here?”

You will want to consider my book, Have a New You by Friday.

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Are you regularly exhausted at the dinner table and don’t have the energy to control your kids while eating? Is your child upset about the arrival of a new sibling and doubts your love? These are the two questions Dr. Leman answers on this episode!

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Question #1 Sheila:

I am exhausted at the dinner table. My two kids, ages 3 and 5, won't stay at the table, don't eat all their food, and are constantly running around during meal time.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Training is really important. It starts in the high chair!

Because food is a primary reinforcer, it is important that you, as the parent, stay firm when they get down from the table. Throw out their food. Don't give in to their whining that they are hungry. They will be hungry at the next meal.

The temptation will be to give them a little snack to get them to stop whining. This will destroy any headway you have made.
They won't starve before lunch.

Read my books Have a New Kid by Friday, and the new edition of Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours (Coming Fall 2017).

Question #2 Brandon:

We have three kids age 11, 6, and 19 months. Now that the baby is here, the middle child is upset. She says things like, “You don't love me.”

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

This is a birth order issue. She is both a middle child, an oldest (because of the span between her and older child), and an only child (because of the gaps on either side of her). She can go any number of ways.

The key will be that you never pay off her “Dog and Pony show.”
When she declares, “You don't love me.”
You respond with a quick and decisive, “I am sorry you feel that way, but I don't feel that way.”
Don't carry on.
Look for opportunities at other times to show and tell her how much you love her.

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Yep…the big FOOD FIGHT! One is a health nut, and the other…an idiot! We had a lot of fun with this hot topic! I think you will enjoy listening in…Don't miss it!

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Doug and Andrea have a food fight! Doug's value is the fun of junk food, and Andrea values healthy eating and staying fit.

You heard it right! They come from different kinds of homes with different expectations and backgrounds, and this leads to…fights at times!

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Are you ever in a position over other people’s children, but unable to parent them? Is your child REALLY failing in school? These are the two questions that Dr. Leman answers on this episode!

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Question #1 Coach Warner:

I coach 5 to 10 year old baseball players, but they can be out of control, climbing walls and standing on benches. Since I cannot use the same consequences I use at home, what tools can I use to get them to behave?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Yes, many of these kids come from undisciplined homes from the time they are infants. They are used to getting to do what they want.

This problem will be changed through the parents, not through the kids.

Call a required parent meeting where you will get to communicate to the parents what your expectations are for the team.
1. It is a privilege to play
2. Baseball is not a democracy, but what the coach says, goes!
3. The kids need to pay attention if they want to play, and not find themselves on the bench.

Question #2 Vicki:

My 13 year old daughter has a 15% in math right now. I have been staying out of it, but my daughter is REALLY failing and I finally had to step in, but her daughter turned on me! What should I do?

Remember that I have my report card published for all to see! I was a failing math student myself!

Here is a chance to encourage your daughter!
Enumerate her strong points and agree that math is not her strong suit. So, why exhaust herself over math?

Stay positive and find her a tutor, preferably a high school boy. That will get her attention and take you out of the fray. Have them meet at your house where you and the family are around.
Use other math helps like apps that are available.

And, remind her that you hate math too. Take the power out of it.

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Is there ever a point in a marriage where, for the sake of the kids, separating or divorcing would be the best at the present time? To find out, listen to today’s episode with Dr. Leman!

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Have things gotten so bad in your home that it feels like you are always fighting and there is no peace? Are the kids taking the brunt of it?
You may feel like separating would be best for the sake of the kids.

I have some questions for you:
1. Is there physical abuse involved?
2. Is there emotional abuse every day?
3. Has your spouse been unfaithful?
4. Have you considered how you are going to protect yourself and provide once you “jump off the cliff”?

There are a lot of significant factors to consider when separating like finances, what are the state laws, where will support come from, and most of all, is it really best for the kids?

Kids prefer to have their parents together even if there is fighting.

Ladies, you may want to read my little book Smart Women Know When to Say No.

Separation is not always the answer. Sometimes it may be. Be sure to consider all these questions carefully.

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Are you worried about your child having emotional meltdowns at the smallest disturbances and going into “turtle mode?” Do you have a grandmother that your daughter is attached to more than you? Curious about how to handle the situations? Dr. Leman explains why on this episode!

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Question #1 Tyler:

I have a 5 year old daughter. I’m afraid that she may become an emotional basket case like my 13 year old niece. How do I overcome these seeds?

Girls thrive on communication. Some personalities will have a greater tendency toward emotional swings than others.

When the emotional bumps and bruises come along, they begin to melt down.

Tips:

1. Don't deny her feelings. Instead assure her, “This is no big thing.”
2. Don't feed the monster, instead say, “I know it is important to you,” but you step aside.
3. Don't offer solutions, instead say, “Honey, I am sure you can handle this.”

Question #2 Tess:

My four year old daughter throws a fit when it is time to return to my house after being with father and grandmother. Mom and new husband are rejected with rage and anger.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

I am dead against splitting a child between two homes. A child becomes like a turkey wish-bone, and then she or he pays for it.

You have two options in this scenario:
1. Take her, put her in her car seat, don't argue and make no fanfare.
2. Next time she throws this fit, leave her with them for the week. Let the family see how they feel about this. Let the reality of the situation become their teacher.

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Is your relationship with your in-laws strained and you wonder how to handle awkward situations? In this episode Dr. Leman covers some practical things you can do to help let out some of the tension.

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Yes, there are plenty of strained in-law relationships out there. It is reality.

How do you best deal with these, and model a relationship you want to have with your kids someday when they are adults?

Watch out for the “should-er”!
The Should-er is the person who is always telling you what you should do better, differently, or now.

Have you ever tried this response?:

“Wow! You are the best! You are offering to clean up that flower bed? I was thinking about what we would do while you were here. That would be great! It is so kind of you to volunteer!”

Or maybe it is your mother-in-law who “shoulds” on your cooking.
“Great! I will have you take care of the birthday dinner! Just let me know if there is something you cannot find in the kitchen.”

Your Plan:
1. Be attentive.
2. Wait for the cheap shot.
3. Turn it around.
4. It will tame them when you put them to work.

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Thank You!