Ask Dr. Leman #1

You asked. We answered. Dr Leman’s responsse will surprise and help you.

Questions

In this episode the questions cover tantrums, stubbornness and more.

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Announcement

The next session is on Anger in Your Kids. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

007: A Proven Way to Defuse a Door Slamming Incident (Hint: Yelling is Not Involved)

Ever experienced this one? Joe stomps off mad as a hornet, grabs his bedroom door, and SLAMS it with the force of a gladiator. Next, Joe’s dad hops off the coach and says some unusual words. Ten seconds later Joe is staring at his dad wondering if he should burst out laughing or hug his dad. Listen to this episode to learn the trick that Joe’s dad used.

Slammed Door

If you are like most parents, when your kids slam the door in anger, you jump up and yell, “That slamming doors is not tolerated in this house!” And we do it at the top of our lungs because we are teaching our children how to calm down. Or are we? This episode is packed with great tips.

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Items from this episode

  • The door slam is an exclamation point demonstration.
  • You can use humor to address a slammed door incident.
  • Pour water to calm it down–not kerosene to fan the flames.
  • A gentle answer turns away wrath.
  • Learn to respond, not react.
  • You don’t have to deal with it now. Later is fine.

How to stay calm during a door slamming:

  • Wait
  • Calm down
  • Say, “In a few minutes I want to talk about this. I might have been wrong.”

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

In a few minutes I want to talk about this. I might have been wrong.

Announcement

The next session is on Anger in Your Kids. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Question: Which one would you like to use next time with your door slammer: “Does this mean you no longer like living in this 4 bedroom home with free wifi and more?” or “Does this mean you would like me to leave and never come back?” or “In a few minutes, I want to talk about this. I might have been wrong.”?

006: B Doesn’t Happen Until A is Complete

I hate you, and I hope that I never see you again! yelled Jill to her mother. Her mother counted to 4 and remembered Dr. Kevin Leman’s phrase that “B doesn’t happen until A is complete.” She smiled to herself and walked away. Listen to this episode to learn how “B doesn’t happen until A” can work for you.

B_does_not_happen_until_A._copyjpg

As parents, we can feel out of control. Today's episode is designed to help you stay in control, and be in control of the situation.

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Items from the podcast

B doesn’t happen till A process

  • Stay calm when your kids throw a temper tantrum.
  • Walk away.
  • Later when your kid wants something from you, you tell them they aren’t going to get what they want.
  • When your kids ask why, you answer is, you are not pleased with their earlier behavior.
  • Walk away.
  • Your child will likely apologize. (If they remain defiant, you have a real powerful kid.)
  • After they apologize, hug him and love him.
  • When your child asks again for the item, don’t give in. (Missing one time will hurt in the short term, but teach a long lasting lesson.)

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

B doesn’t happen until A is complete.

Announcement

The next session is on Door Slamming. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Question: Can you see yourself simply stating your position and walking away? If so, why? If not, why not?

005: How to Stop the Defiance Disease with a Shot of Vitamin N

We have all experienced a child rising up to defy us.

What do you do?

Threaten? Ignore? Ship them to Siberia?

Listen to Dr. Leman share his views on how to deal with defiance.

 Defiant Kid

The bad news: if you have allowed your kid to get away with defiance for years, then you have a real issue.

The good news: You still have time and the opportunity to correct that defiance.

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Points from the podcast

For really young kids:

  • What looks like defiance may actually be learning.
  • Kids live off of the power that we create or demonstrate before them.
  • You can overuse the word “No” to the point that it loses its impact.

For teenage kids:

  • When parents do not address defiance in the early years, they have to work double-duty to resolve it in teens.
  • A teenager is defiant because it worked for him as a young kid. Stop letting it work for him.
  • Don’t fall into your teen's games. They know how to push you.
  • Telling your kids/teens “no” is the best way to stop defiance.

Follow-up to defiant behavior:

  • Stay Calm.
  • Wait for the time your kids want to do something. Then you simply say “no” and walk away.
  • When they ask “why?” tell them you are not pleased with how they treated you.
  • Don’t give in to their request when they apologize.
  • Tomorrow is a new day, so start with a clean slate.

Look at the long-term priorities

  • Missing one soccer game or dance class is inconsequential in light of a life lesson.
  • Mom and Dad are not for using. Don’t overlook defiance. If it isn’t stopped in your home, where will it be stopped?

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

We want to raise a strong-willed child, but not a powerful child.

Announcement

The next session is on “B Doesn’t Happen Till A.” If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Question: How do you stay calm in the heat of defiance?

004: Try this Little Used Trick to Get Your Kids to Stop Complaining

Have you ever wondered why your children are experts at complaining? Listen to this episode to learn the trick to stop the complaining.

Stop complaining

Your children use complaining because it is getting them what they want. This makes a parent the main contributor to a kid's continued use of complaining.

Want to stop it? Learn this key phrase: “I am sure you can handle this.”

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Insights from the Podcast

  • Your children use complaining because it works!
  • Instead of listening to your kid's complaints about others, expect them to go talk to the person.
  • Kids love to bait their parents by pushing their parents' buttons.
  • Train Up your child; not Down. Expect more from your kids, and they will rise to the occasion.

Practical Action Steps

  • If your child complains about someone, say: “I am sure you can handle this,” and have them resolve it themselves.
  • If your child complains about something, like dinner, take it away (as long as it doesn’t harm them).

Parenting Phrase/ Pocket Answer*

“I am sure you can handle this,”  takes the proverbial “tennis ball of life” and puts it back in their court. Use this phrase to give the issue back to the child and off of your shoulders.

*Pocket Answers are memorable phrases to help you remember key parenting principles.

Question: What have you seen that increases or decreases the instances of complaining?

 

Announcements

The next session is on Defiance. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail:

 

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003: How to Set the World’s Best Curfew–Don’t!

 Tired of the curfew battles? Want to set the world’s best curfew? 

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Learn the Leman family's secret method to set the world’s best curfew, without the usual fight, using the parenting principle of putting the ball in your kid’s court.

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Here are the steps to set curfew:

  1. Say, “Be home at a reasonable hour.”
  2. When your kid asks for a specific time, repeat: “Be home at a reasonable hour.”
  3. Expect them to behave responsibly and they will strive to reach your expectation.

Question: How can you trust them to come home at a reasonable hour?
Answer: If you trust them with a car that can do real damage, you can trust them to be home at a reasonable hour.

Question: What happens if they come home at 4:00 am?
Answer: They wouldn’t be driving the Leman car for a long time, since they weren’t home at a reasonable hour.

 

Parenting Tip:

Put the ball in their court by involving them in making the decisions. This will give them greater responsibility and avoid a “you-against-them” set-up.

Announcement

The next session is on Complaining. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me.

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Question: How would you have reacted if your parents said, “Be home at a reasonable hour”?

002: Are You Running a Home…or a Hotel?

Do you ever feel like you are the maid and not the mom, or the butler versus the dad? If so, you might be running a hotel, instead of a home. Learn how to get your kids to contribute to the family.

Are you running a Home or a Hotel

Many parents are burdened by the belief that they must keep their kids happy, give them opportunities, and teach them responsibility all at the same time. This task has gotten harder, not easier. Sometimes, parents simply give up trying. This podcast is here to encourage you that you can teach your kids to contribute to the family.

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Insight to gain from this episode:

  • No one member of the family is more important than the family.
  • We are of equal social value, but we are not the same.
  • Kids view their rewards as their rights.
  • Today's parents' feel the pressure to make their children “happy, happy, happy children.” Dr. Leman suggests: “An unhappy child is a healthy child.”
  • If you are a well-balanced parent, your kids will like you. We worry too much about our kids liking us.
  • What are you doing in your home to teach your kids to care about others?
  • You don't get a great kid by giving them things.
  • The only place they are going to learn to be a responsible adult is in your home.

Parenting Tip/Pocket Phrase

“No one member of the family is more important than the family.”

Announcement

The next session is on Ask Dr Leman. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Podcast by: Dr. Kevin Leman with Doug & Andrea Terpening Blog: Doug Terpening

001: Dr. Kevin Leman and the “Have a New Kid by Friday” Podcast

Want a kid without the attitude? A kid with character, who isn’t a character? Join the “Have a New Kid by Friday” podcast with Dr. Kevin Leman!

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Dr. Kevin Leman uses his wit and wisdom to help you laugh and learn parenting principles for raising great kids, on this podcast.

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This podcast will cover practical topics like curfew, bedtime battles, complaining, and more.  He will also include teaching on successful parenting mindsets such as, “Keep the ball of life on their side of the court,” Vitamin N, and “An unhappy child is a healthy child,” among others.

You will be blessed, laugh and even learn a few things along the way. Come join!

Who is Dr. Kevin Leman?

Dr. Kevin Leman is a N.Y. Times best-selling author, has written 45 books, and ran his own private counseling practice for many years. He has appeared on  shows like Good Morning America, Fox and Friends, Oprah, and many others. He and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson, Arizona. They have 5 kids.

Who are Doug & Andrea Terpening

Doug and Andrea Terpening join him on these sessions to ask the questions that many parents want answered. They have 4 kids that range from elementary-age to high school, so their questions are from the trenches. Their family lives in Portland, Oregon.

Announcement

The next session is entitled: “Is your House a Home or a Hotel?” If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me.

If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.