045: Ask Dr. Leman 18 (Tower Terror; Homework=Yelling)

Ever had a kid that loses it over lego tower that falls down? Do your attempts to help with homework end in yelling and tears? Dr. Leman shares his insights on how to deal with both.

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Question #1: {audio} My son is 7 years old and gets super angry when doing simple things like playing with legos. How do we avoid the melt downs?

Answer:

  • The words we use determine the course of their life.
  • The next time he acts out say, “This is a big deal to you. It is not a big deal to me.” Then walk away.
  • By walking away, you withdraw the audience he is seeking.
  • He is a budding perfectionist. He need to experience failure while he is living with you. Failure is not final. It is a stepping stone.

Question #2: {audio} My child is 8 and has a learning disability. Every night, we have a homework battle. It usually ends with us yelling at one another or tears. How do we get the homework done without the yelling and tears?

Answer:

  • It is really good that you, the parent, are working to increase their reading skills. Ask the school for additional help. They often have a reading specialist available.
  • Work hard now to get them to a good reader, because the school work gets harder in the next grade, 4th grade. There is a lot more reading in the 4th grade.
  • Let the teacher be the bad guy. Work with the teacher on how to get his homework done. One idea is to ask the teacher to have your son come to the front of the room and share his homework from last night, when you know he hasn’t done it.
  • Find your son a good spot to do this homework. Make it the homework spot.
  • Give him time to decompress from school. Then homework starts at 4:00 pm.
  • Listen to episode 045 about homework.
  • Apply, “B doesn’t happen till A is done.” Listen here for more information.

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

Failure is not final. It is a stepping stone.

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