How do you deal with a husband who undermines your discipline? My ADHD daughter won’t keep her room clean, what do I do? You asked these question. Dr Leman answers them.

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Items from the podcast

Question #1: AUDIO Haruna: “Her husband is a softy towards our daughter. He undermines my discipline by overriding my decisions.”


  • The issue is with their marriage.
  • Her daughter resents that mom and dad aren’t on the same page and are fighting.
  • Warnings are disrespectful acts.
    • Tell once and walk away.
    • If not done, consequences follow
  • This situation will affect your intimacy and respect for your husband.
  • By dad disagreeing with mom, he is creating conflict for the daughter.
  • Choose a code word to mean, “Let’s stop and regroup.”

Question #2: Subject: Strategies for parenting ADHD DaughterHi Dr. Leman,
My first born, brilliant, hardworking (full time college, good grades, working 12+ hours per week, attends church, all around good kid), 19 year old daughter has ADHD.  It is not like this is how she is defined but it does affect how she does things like cleaning.Your books never seem to touch on this subject (ADHD parenting). Consequence based parenting seems to be different with this style of teen.My question is her “apartment” downstairs. She has three rooms (office, bathroom and bedroom).

They are rarely clean.  When she was out of town recently, I cleaned to give her a boost. It took nearly 3 days.  The mess is not nearly as bad but not getting better.

How do I (first born mom) help her with strategies for tackling this issue without damaging our relationship.  It makes me nuts and having her move would be a very bad idea.

It is hard enough working and cleaning around my adhd husband who is also not a throw-it-awayer. (thats another question and another book for you :> )
Help? Thanks.

From H,


  • Don’t clean her room again.
  • If you must, avoid her space.
  • If you want to do something to help her, on her birthday hire outside cleaners.
  • Just love her as she is.
  • Enjoy the things that bring a smile to your face.
  • They have a right to live their life their way.


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