As I walked away from Jon, my heart sank. I asked myself, “Why do I say things about Jon that just aren’t what I believe about him?” Didn’t I see how his head dropped, while I was talking? He is going to be super discouraged, if I don’t figure this out quick. Help Dr. Leman.
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Why do we focus on the Actor, Instead of his Actions?
– Traditionally, this is how our parents treated us.
– It is easy to slip into defining the person as a bad person when we are mad.
Why is it important to focus on the Act, Not the Actor?
– For positive acts, we want to focus on how it makes them feel. For example, when they bring home good grades say, “I bet that makes you feel good for all the hard work you did,” versus, “You are such a smart kid.”
– Kids need encouragement, not praise.
Your approval is huge.
– Your kids want your approval. When you focus on their good acts, you give them positive approval.
– When you say they are a bad person, you are lowering the approval they desire.
Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer
Focus on the Act, Not the Actor
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Podcast by: Dr. Kevin Leman with Doug & Andrea Terpening Blog: Doug Terpening