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Ever wonder what to do if your kid is deathly afraid of the toilet? (Hint: It doesn’t make potty training very easy.)  Have you run out of ideas on how to discipline your kid?  Dr Leman answers these questions on this episode.

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Items from the podcast

Question #1: (Audio Question) Our discipline is not working. I have removed treats. I have removed privileges. He is still disobedient. I don’t know what else to try. What do I do now?

Answer

  • If you think he has ADD, get him examined by a physician.
  • Dr. Kevin Leman would like some more insight. Is he adopted? Does be behave the same at home as at school? If he behaves differently at school from home, then there is something at home that is causing the behavior.
  • If he is this challenging, imagine what it will be like at age 14.
  • Don’t be afraid to use the phrase, “Mom is not happy.” This cures many ills.

Question #2: I have a four year old with some fears that I don’t know how to get him to face.  The most frustrating one is the fear of the potty.  He will stand up and use it to urinate, but he won’t sit on it.  He goes in his pants and then changes himself.  He says he is afraid he will fall in.  He won’t even do it with me holding him.  I have even put his younger brother on the potty to show him that his smaller brother doesn’t fall in so he won’t either.  He is also now afraid to get his hair cut.  He used to go get it cut without any drama, but the last few times I have taken him, he didn’t want to sit in the chair.  He screamed.  He won’t let me or his Father cut it either.  He has never gotten cut or anything at the salon. Thanks

Answer:

  • This is a powerful kid and it comes from a powerful parent.
  • Is this fear a real fear? Yes. It is a perceived fear.
  • You the parents need to disengage from the potty training. Going potty is a natural procedure.
  • His fear is purposive behavior. It serves a purpose in the kid’s life. What does it do for him? It gets and demands your attention.

Action Steps:

  • Put the small training potty in the bathroom.
  • Don’t say anything.
  • When he soils his pants, he must wash them. The key is to make him responsible.
  • Back off as much as possible.
  • It will end if you back off.

Announcement

The next session is on Focus on the Act, not the Actor. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

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