Do allow the smack attack to happen between kids? What do you do about a child that is an angry hoarder? Why do they hoard everything? Listen and Learn from today’s episode with Dr. Kevin Leman
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Items from the podcast
Question 1: From: Kristina
Subject: Permitting siblings to hit each other.
I have a follow up question to the podcast where you were giving advice to a parent who has bickering siblings where one is the primary instigator. You suggested sitting both of them down and telling the “target” that if her brother is being REALLY obnoxious, that occasionally, she has permission from you to smack him. My question is, how carefully do you frame your permission so that the sister doesn’t decide that every time she is experiencing a hormonal high qualifies as him being sufficiently deserving of a smack upside the head? Shouldn’t we be encouraging our kids to demonstrate self control, which is a fruit of the Spirit? Also, how do you deal with a situation in which a sibling has struck out physically at their brother without your express permission after enduring the sibling’s attempt to dominate and control them for a good long time?
Answer
- You are having a hard time here, because you are giving up control
- Say to the child, “When you brother/ sister starts it, I trust you to be able to handle this in an appropriate manner.”
- If we are always judge and jury, the kids won’t learn how to build love and respect for each other. They will if they have to work it out.
- If the kid takes it too far, then engage in the situation and be the parent.
Question 2: From: Amanda
Subject: Parenting my Middle Son
Hi Dr. Lehman:
My boys are aged 10, 8 and 6. We are full of fun and challenges these days. My sensitive middle son seems to be having trouble feeling valued at home. He excels on the athletic field and the classroom, yet he will often walk in the door and hit or scream and work himself into a frenzy at a brother who is playing with a toy that was once his years ago, for example. He seems to hoard everything- and I mean everything! – that once touched his fingers. It is causing a lot of strife and misery for all of us. How can we best help him?
Answer
- This kid feels like he does’t fit in this family. He feels squeezed. He can’t keep up with the oldest and the baby gets everything.
- A sensitive kid is a very powerful kid.
- He gets his recognition from outside the family. Friends will be very important to him.
- To help him feel and be recognized in the family, ask him his opinion and mean it. Also, Let him know you will listen to him and his feelings.
- Try this: Pull the kid aside and say, “Isn’t your older brother a little over the top in XYZ.” Get behind his eyes and see the world as he sees it.
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