“Oh Johnny, you are the best boy ever,” is one of the worst things you can say to your kids. No kidding. Dr. Leman explains why there is a critical difference between praise and vitamin E (encouragement). One destroys and the other truly builds up.
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What is the difference between encouragement and praise?
- Encouragement focusses on the acts and how the kid feels.
- Praise focuses on how the kid measures up as the person, for example, “You are the best dancer.” It involves our expectations.
- Kids don’t feel they measure up with praise, because the praise is based on them measuring up to our expectations.
- Our expectations are setting them up to be perfect and not fail.
What makes encouragement so important?
- Kids are looking for our attention.
- Encouragement gives proper attention to the kids.
- Without encouragement, they will either become very driven or procrastinators out of fear of being criticized.
How to use encouragement.
- Pair it with Vitamin N (No) for success.
- Positive self-esteem is not in God’s word. It isn’t helpful, yet as a society we are chasing self-esteem every where.
- Humans are not worthy of praise. Only God the creator is worthy of praise.
- Praise focuses on the person. “You are the best kid in the world, because __ .”
- Encouragement is directed at what the kid did, not them.
- Celebrate their actions.
What is false praise?
- We go over board with our words when we say our kids are super amazing.
How to change from praise to encouragement?
- Believe that the words you choose to use can change your relationship.
- Think your way to new behavior. Envision yourself saying the words differently.
Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer
Use Vitamin E liberally
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