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“Oh Johnny, you are the best boy ever,” is one of the worst things you can say to your kids. No kidding. Dr. Leman explains why there is a critical difference between praise and vitamin E (encouragement). One destroys and the other truly builds up.

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What is the difference between encouragement and praise?

  • Encouragement focusses on the acts and how the kid feels.
  • Praise focuses on how the kid measures up as the person, for example, “You are the best dancer.” It involves our expectations.
  • Kids don’t feel they measure up with praise, because the praise is based on them measuring up to our expectations.
  • Our expectations are setting them up to be perfect and not fail.

What makes encouragement so important?

  • Kids are looking for our attention.
  • Encouragement gives proper attention to the kids.
  • Without encouragement, they will either become very driven or procrastinators out of fear of being criticized.

How to use encouragement.

  • Pair it with Vitamin N (No) for success.
  • Positive self-esteem is not in God’s word. It isn’t helpful, yet as a society we are chasing self-esteem every where.
  • Humans are not worthy of praise. Only God the creator is worthy of praise.
  • Praise focuses on the person. “You are the best kid in the world, because __ .”
  • Encouragement is directed at what the kid did, not them.
  • Celebrate their actions.

What is false praise?

  • We go over board with our words when we say our kids are super amazing.

How to change from praise to encouragement?

  • Believe that the words you choose to use can change your relationship.
  • Think your way to new behavior. Envision yourself saying the words differently.

Parenting Tip/ Pocket Answer

Use Vitamin E liberally

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