Parenting as a married couple is hard enough. Parenting with an Ex is not doubly, but 3 times harder. Dr. Leman shares tips on how to parent with your ex.
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What new challenges are there for the child after a divorce?
- Kids want to balance things out. They feel like the wishbone of a turkey being pulled back and forth between the parents.
- Kids feel broken.
- Kids have a need to appease Mom and Dad.
- Kids are being used as pawns between the warring parents.
What new challenges are there for the parent?
- You couldn’t make it in marriage. You choose divorce as a safety valve because things were tough.
- It is going to take a heroic effort on your part to deal with this, as you struggled to deal with life when together.
What is the best situation for the kid?
- Divorced parents cut kids in half and put them half the time in one place and half in the other.
- A mundane and predictable the environment is the best for kids.
- The best is for kids to stay at one home only. Yet, visits the other parent occasionally.
Don’t talk bad about your Ex.
- Don’t ever bad mouth your Ex no matter what. No matter how bad they are.
-Why? Your kids want to love them. You put the kid in a no win situation. When you bad mouth your ex, your child will only feel bad about himself.
What do you do when you feel your Ex is being too lax with the kids?
- You have to be realistic about the fact that you can’t influence your Ex.
- This is part of the reason you are divorced.
- You cannot change that outside environment at your Ex’s house.
- Take legal action if your kids is in danger.
- You will over compensate the perceived injustice. If they are too lax, you will be too strict and visa versa.
What if your Ex wants the kids full-time.
- If you are dealing with a powerful, rich, arrogant ex-husband who is threatening 100% custody of the kids, give it to him. He is simply trying to punish you some more. He won’t want the kids long-term and will quickly change. He doesn’t want to deal with kids 24/7.
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