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You may have thought you were done parenting when they turned 18, yet more and more parents are dealing with the reality of their 20 and 30 year old children living in their home. How do you treat them like the adult they are, while they live back with you? Also, how do you deal with bedtime struggles, when your kid is 11 years old? Dr. Leman shares his usual wit and wisdom.

(If you want your question answered, the best method is to leave us a voicemail question. You can use the SpeakPipe Voicemail system by clicking HERE.)

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Question #1: Mark (Audio)

“Our 24-year-old son is currently living at home. He has made a habit of being deceitful, lying, breaking rules and circumventing every boundary or consequence we have given him. We have made him move out twice before, and both times he was evicted by his housemates, broke & in debt, and in poor health. He has diabetes and doesn’t manage it well, resulting in hospitalizations during both times he lived away from home.  The last time we allowed him move back home, we took him back with the stipulations that he 1) get healthy, 2) pay back his medical expenses and catch up on his bills, 3) save money to move out again, and 4) obey house rules and contribute to household work while he lives here.

Four months later, he is behind on his bills and in debt again, has not saved any money, and continues to break rules, lie and deceive us, and go around any consequence we have given him.

We are about to tell him to move out again, but know he has no place to go and will risk losing both his job and health with no transportation or place to live.   What advice do you have for us?”

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

  • He has innate value in God’s sight
  • He is using his medical condition to power over you, his parents
  • No on can control what goes into his mouth (food-wise, you cannot control his diabetes)
  • He is using his inadequacies to duck out of life
  • He is using you!
  • He is revengeful
  • He is using this situation to push your guilt buttons
  • You must ask yourself, “What would I rather have, a slow leak, or a major blow-out?”
  • The best for him would be to send him out on his own and no longer enable him.  It will be tough.
  • If there is too much guilt, then you have to decide how to make it work for you at home.

Question #2: (Audio)

11 year old daughter won’t go to bed at her bed-time.  What do we do?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

  • She is a con-artist
  • You have a few options:
    •     Put the extra time she stays up on a work schedule for Saturday.
    •     Say nothing, and eventually (over months) she will regulate how much time she needs to sleep.
    •     Go to bed and ignore her.

(Sorry for the audio problem at the end)

Announcements

Dr Leman’s latest training is Great Parenting from the Get-Go with Dr. Leman’s Proven Game-Plan.

The training is for parents with kids 7 years of age and younger. If your child is older than 7 and it feels like things are a bit out of control, this training will help highlight areas you missed for the firm foundation.

It closes Monday, Jan 19th.

Click HERE for more information.


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