Do you feel like you are pushing a train up-hill and want to stop but don’t know how? Maybe you are the one who helps your kids with their projects, just to have them turn around and tell you that you did it wrong. What should you do? Dr. Leman answers these two questions on this episode.
LISTEN HERE
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: RSS
Question #1 Lisa:
I admit that I am over-controlling, but I want to learn how to control less. If I give up controlling and pushing my kids, they won’t do anything. What/how do it do it?
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
There are two sides to this equation:
Yourself. Begin by behaving differently, and with an apology to your kids.
You will have to lay down the expectations gently, take away privileges, and tell them, “I am not going to live like this anymore.”
The Kids. Start with food. You don’t feed them. Let them feed themselves. You go out to dinner, and then read a book. Sooner or later they will see that this is not working.
Remember, when a parent is too controlling, they sow seeds of rebellion in their kids.
Question #2 Becky:
I help my youngest with projects, who then turns on me and says I am doing it all wrong. Do I back way or how do I deal with it?
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
You have a powerful four year old on your hands.
The next time this comes up, you:
1. Tell him, “my helping has just come to an end”
2. Walk away
3. Only continue to help when he maintains his composure
4. Use phrases like, “It is a big deal to you, but not to me,” and “I can’t help you anymore”
For more of Dr. Leman’s “pocket phrases,” go to birthorderguy.com and subscribe.