Hateful Adult Child; Advice Giving Grandparent- Ask Dr. Leman 87 (Episode 189)

Has your adult son or daughter turned against you and you lost relationship? How do you, or should you, help your child’s marriage? You asked and now Dr. Leman answers these two questions on today’s episode.


Question #1 Kathy:

What do I do when my adult son turns heartlessly on us and tells us we are messing his life up? He was the veritable poster child who went to Bible college. He has cut off all relationship for a least a year. We have given him money for counseling and a down payment on a house.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

You are too good of a parent. You’ve been too kind and generous. By doing this the kid gets an unreal concept of himself.
There comes a time when he needs to cut the path for himself. Kids have to figure it out.

If this had been me, I would have responded by saying, “You won’t be hearing from us again. We wish you the best in life.”

There is no reason you should have to deal with this hostage situation.
While he experiences not having Mom and Dad in his life, he may come around.

Question #2:

Our daughter is married to a man who appears to outsiders as a very fine man, but she has confided to us that he constantly criticizes her and puts her down at home. My husband just retired from pastoral ministry, and has helped many couples. Can my husband or both of us speak in love to our son-in-law?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Pastor, first of all, you know you can only help so much.
The danger with a man like this is that he could turn abusive in time, if not confronted.

There is one thing you could say in front of both of them. “I’ve heard you’ve been disrespectful to your wife. I’ve heard what a fine man you are, but I am disappointed how you treat your wife. You can do better.”

If he goes ballistic, I would let your daughter know she is safe at your home.

This is another instance where a blow-out is better than a slow leak.