Spouse Not Parenting; Anger in Parenting- Ask Dr. Leman 97 (Episode 209)

Do you ever feel like you are the lone parent working to raise your kids? Are all of Dr. Leman’s techniques great, except that you cannot figure out how to keep your cool, without letting sarcasm or anger sneak in? These are your questions and listen to find out Dr. Leman’s answers!

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Question #1:

How can I convince my wife to educate herself on child development? We have a 8 month old, and one on the way. When she is not working, she’s browsing Facebook and putting the child in front of TV.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

You are right, it is not good for the development of a child’s brain to be propped up in front of a screen. It would be much better if Mom engaged and read or played with empty boxes.

Your question is how to encourage her.
1. Print off research, and say,”Maybe I am whack-o, but…” By downplaying yourself, you draw attention to the expert’s research.
2. Call your pediatrician and ask them to discuss it with her at the next appointment.
3. Pray for her.

Question #2 Marcy:

I love your books and listen to your podcast regularly. I have a hard time using the phrases and techniques you recommend without letting sarcasm, frustration, or anger into the situation. Do you have any advice on how to keep your cool? Sometimes I feel like I am just a mean mom. Thank You!

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Anger builds up one puff at a time, like blowing up a balloon. Once you reach a certain point, it POPS!

Empty your anger tank.

How?
If you have a hard time saying things without the cheap shot, you need to take care of them one puff at a time. Learn to vocalize the things that bother you. Express it toward the situation. Not the person.

Try saying, “I am so angry when I come into this room and see it this way!”
Instead of, “You are such a slob!”

Practice speaking out the little things that make you angry as you go along, or into the mirror, rather than letting it all build up and boil over in an angry expression.