Minecraft Over Dad; Ultra Powerful Child- Ask Dr. Leman 85 (Episode 185)

Has your child ever admitted to loving a video game more than you?! How should you respond and what next steps should you take? Is it alright to let your older kids help discipline their younger siblings? These are the two questions Dr. Leman answers on today’s episode!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Philip;

My 7 year old is so focused on his Minecraft that he had to intervene. When given the choice between myself (Dad) and Minecraft, he chose Minecraft, saying he would kill himself if he did not have it.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

WOW Philip! Your response is great…you will want to listen to the podcast to hear what he said!
We give our kids way too many things, way too soon! Taking away Minecraft was a great choice.

It will be important to explain to this boy that it was not his fault that the Minecraft was deleted.
It is on ME as the parent!
“We think we have done some things wrongly. You are going to see some changes around here. It is our fault. We have not done well to pass on the real value of life.”

It is our job to get our kids going in a direction; to TRAIN THEM UP.

Question #2 CJ:

I have made some big changes in my parenting after learning some tips from you, Dr. Leman, but my older kids are having trouble changing the way they treat their 10 year old sister. Are there things I can do to help the older boys deal with her in accordance with the new approach?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Yes, there are things you can do. Give the boys license to deal with her when she becomes irritating.

1. In front of sister, explain to the boys that if she gets to be too much they have your permission to use physical means to stop her. Just don't maim or kill her!
2.Get the boys alone, and explain that you said this in front of her to get her attention. Give them scenarios as examples of where they can deal with her without physical harm.

In the end, the boys will learn how to deal with others in life without ending up in a fist-fight.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Tips For People Looking For Psychological Help (Episode 184)

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in life? Whether in the area of marriage, parenting, or relationally, we all get stuck and know others who are stuck. How do we help others and ourselves in situations like these? Dr. Leman shares his tips on today’s episode!

#184- How do I get Psycological Help?

LISTEN HERE
Play

We often run into people who are “stuck” in life. Their marriage is on the rocks, they are struggling with their kids, or they have broken family relationships.
How can we help someone, or even yourself, who is obviously “stuck”?

As a psychologist, I helped to “unstuck” a lot of people, and then came to the realization that many people can help themselves. That is when I wrote the book, Have a New You by Friday, because I believe that you can think your way to change.

Here are just a few hints to get one started:
1. Acknowledge that you are flawed, not perfect.
2. Own up to your weaknesses and mistakes.
3. Make a list of what you want to change (figure out where you want to go).
4. Tell someone else so they can encourage you.
5. Accept encouragement along the way.
6. Apologize when you make a mistake.

You can change your behavior by changing the way you think.

I would recommend reading Have a New You By Friday for even more helpful information.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks!

Politically Brainwashing Grandparents; Medications for Behavior- Ask Dr. Leman 84 (Episode 138)

Are you safe letting your children spend time alone with their grandparents who are “racists” or radical in other ways? Is it alright to let you kid in elementary school take medications to behave? You asked and now Dr. Leman answers them on this episode!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1

Do I let my kids spend time this summer with their grandparents who have some very different views than we have? They have become homophobic and racist. Will they damage our kids with their openly bigoted views?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

My answer will surprise you!
Wherever they go, they will encounter bigoted views. We are living in a divided nation.

Allow your kids to develop their psychological muscles through interacting respectfully with people of other opinions. Tell them, “everyone has a right to to their own opinion.”

Question #2 Julie and Ed:

What should I do about my 7 year old son who is being told he needs medications to help him settle down at school?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

I am not big on medications, but there are times that medically it is called for. A lot of times they will grow out of the need.

Get your doctor's opinion on the issue
Ask if it can be only during school months
Empower him by giving him responsibility
Remember that repeating 2nd grade may not be a bad thing for him

Meanwhile, there are things you can do at home to help him. You can work on his need for attention by giving him lots of vitamin E-Encouragement. Don't ask him questions. Change the kinds of words you use. For more on this, you can read my book, Have a New Kid by Friday.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

How Do I Help My Kids Navigate Changing Friendships? (Episode 182)

Have your kids ever felt left out by former friends or felt ranked below another friend? Have their friendships ever changed and therefore brought tension to their life? If so, Dr. Leman will greatly help you on this episode!

#182 -How do I help my kids navigate changing Friendships?

LISTEN HERE
Play

How do I help my kids navigate changing Friendships?

There was a recent situation in the Terpening household where the kids were struggling how to navigate when they were rejected by former friends. They had two sets of friends that eventually turned away from them and became friends without them. What should they do?

Kids can be mean, hurtful and spiteful. Growing up can be hard.

Friendships will change.

What do you do when this is your kid on the receiving end?

1. Be a sounding board.
2. Revisit it again once they have had a chance to calm down.
3. Tell young kids a story from your life.

Above all, remember that letting your kids do the work of figuring this out will give them psychological muscles. They will need those muscles all through life.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Sexting Issues; How Many Activities?- Ask Dr. Leman 83 (Episode 181)

Have you found your teen sending nude photos to their significant other who they aren’t even allowed to have? Are you caught in the stress of deciding if your kids should do activities, and how many? These are the questions Dr. Leman answers on today’s episode!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Heather:

My fourteen year old daughter has been caught taking nude photos and sending them to her boyfriend (whom she is not supposed to have). Recently she has seen a counselor for cutting and disobedient behavior all year. The counselor says this is all normal. I am new to your podcast and don't know which book to start with. Thank you.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

There is NOTHING NORMAL about cutting.
She is screaming, “I feel controlled!!!!”
She does not feel that she has any dominion over her life.
This means that she has been micromanaged. The only place she has any control is over her cutting.

Here are some steps to take:
1. Apologize to her. Tell her you are sorry for trying to micromanage her.
2. Invite the boy over to your house for dinner and a nice evening.
3. Tell her you need her help. Give her traditional ways to help you around the house.
4. Have the deep talk about the problems with sexting.

The bottom line has to be about, “I am not going to run your life. You do what you want.” Likely she will begin to listen to you.

We have heard it said, “Puppy love is real to the puppy.” But we know these relationships pass.

Three books I'd recommend reading are Have a New Kid By Friday, Have a New Teenager by Fridayand Have a Happy Family By Friday.

 

Question #2 Amy:

How many activities, and at what age should I get my kids involved? My 6 year old just started Tae Kwon DO, and my 4 year old, gymnastics. Should I join soccer?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

When you enroll your children in activities, you are not just enrolling them, but the whole family. Soccer takes up your weekend. Practices take up weeknights. You and your husband, as well as the siblings are all enrolled now.

On the other hand, keep in mind that you put an indelible imprint on your kids life every day. Every time you enroll them in an activity, you lose that chance to make an imprint.

I always say to avoid as many activities as possible, and make memories as a family.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

The ‘No One-Size Fits All’ Family Rule Book (Episode 180)

Are you unsure about how to handle the big decisions in your family? Do you ever wish there was a rulebook to follow that would explain everything to you? If you feel this way you need to listen to this episode as Dr. Leman answers this question!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Have you ever wanted to build a “Family Rule Book” that would cover the biggie decisions and opportunities that will come up?

Sleepovers? Yes or No
Birthday parties? Yes or No
Drive at age 16? Yes or No
PG-13 Movies? Yes or No

Doesn't it sound like life would be smooth sailing and clear if we all understood in our family what to expect when these instances arose?

Yes it does! Of course!

But…

YOU CAN'T HAVE A “ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL” RULE BOOK!

“Why?” you ask.

Kids are all different. They will be ready for these opportunities at different times.
Different instances may call for a varied response.
Maturity has a lot to do with it!
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

I have said it before:
Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.

I say, Never promise a kid anything. Take it one at a time!

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Boy Playing Girl; Bossy Oldest Kid- Ask Dr. Leman 82 (Episode 179)

Do you feel that your child has “switched” genders as far as what they enjoy doing? Is your oldest a little tyrant towards the younger siblings and others? Dr. Leman answers these questions on today’s episode with his usual wit and wisdom.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Jessica:

Jessica's 5 year-old son has been doing lots of girly things and has a fetish with women's hair since watching Frozen 2 years ago. Do we intervene? Will he grow out of this?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

This may be a stage, but this sounds like Dysphoria.
There are many things we don't understand, and this is one of them.

Dysphoria is when one identifies with the opposite sex.

Often this first shows up at around the age of 3. The Frozen movie may have just been coincidental in his life at that time.

So, you are wondering, WHAT DO WE DO?

1. Love your son
2. Appreciate who he is
3. Keep your relationship intact
4. You may consider homeschooling him to keep him in a safe environment
5. Find a local support group for yourself

Know that he will be very resistant to change. Keep loving him as he is.

 

Question #2 Sherri:

I have a 6 year-old daughter who is bossy over her 3 year old sister as well as the kids on the playground. How do I keep her personality strong, but stop the bossiness?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

When she starts ragging on sister, work her to death! Put her to work cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom, and anywhere else until it is spotless.

You might try this conversation with her:
“You have to listen to Mommy…
You love to tell people what to do. If you keep this up, kids won't like you.”

Or, encourage her to try this:
Ask the other kids, “What do you want to play with?”

Role play with her so she can practice some new lines.

Play, “I'm the boss of you” with her. Listen to my podcast to hear how to play this little game!

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

3 Things Every New Mom Needs to Know in the Middle of the Chaos (Episode 178)

Are you a new mother who feels like you are drowning in the new and wonderful experience of parenthood? If this episode if for you! Today Dr. Leman covers the top three things to keep in mind to help keep your head above the water and enjoy the ride.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

For those moms with young children out there, these are days of, “Mom, Mom, MOM!” and spit up on every top. How to make it through? Will it ever end?

Dr. Leman's Three insights:

1. Align yourself with other moms. Create a babysitting co-op, or a playgroup.

2. Take time for yourself. This means nap while the baby naps! Housework will always be there. Let your husband help you clean up when he comes home (but you will need to ask for help, because he does not always know what you are thinking!)

3. Realize that the day will come when you'll yearn for these baby days again. So, soak it up. Enjoy those babies and toddlers, because, before too long, they will be going off to college.

And, the bonus #4:

Take time to keep your relationship with your husband healthy and alive. He is the one you will be with for the rest of your life!

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Kid Abandoning Vacation; Splitting Time with Kids- Ask Dr. Leman 81 (Episode 177)

If your kid runs away before your family vacation and refuses to join you, what is the proper response? How do you share time with your newborn and your previous, only child? Listen to today’s episode to find out Dr. Leman’s answer!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Becky:

After a fight, our 17 year old son ran away the night before our family vacation. We went anyway, after finding out that he was safe at a friend's house. On returning, we picked him up and are working on opening up lines of communication. How would you suggest that we do this?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Becky, you get 4.5 stars from me for how you handled this situation!
The reason you get so many stars is for going on vacation anyhow.
The missing ½ star is because they picked him up on their way home.

This is a stand-off.
He should be ignored. You know he is safe.

Opening lines of communication has to start with him.

Stand back and see what happens…

 

Question #2 Gillian:

With a ten year old and a new six week old, how do we divide our attention? How much should we entertain our children?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

The ten year old will forever be an “only child” because he was an only child for the first ten years of his life. His personality is formed.

But, it will take some time for him to come to appreciate his new sister.

You can encourage him to participate with this new one by reminding him that he can do a lot of things that she cannot do. Recognize what he can do and, yes, give him lots of attention. Let him help and give him the encouragement he needs for doing it.

Another way to give him the attention he needs is to get a sitter for little sister and take him out on a date with Mom and Dad.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Signs You are a Pushover Parent (Episode 176)

Do you bend over backwards for you kids? Are you always making sure they are happy happy happy and catering to their needs? If so Dr. Leman has some important helps for you in this episode to help you have a new kid.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Two weeks ago we talked about the authoritarian parent, and today we are going to address the other end of the spectrum: the permissive parent.

Here are four marks that you may be too permissive:
1. You make excuses for your child
2. Are driven toward your kids' happiness
3. Run on guilt
4. Do things for them they should do…

Does this sound like you? If so, you will want to hear this week's episode on permissive parents!

A good book to read about this, and many more topics is, The Way of the Wise. It's HIGHLY recommend reading, especially after today's episode.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.