2 Things You Must Do When Using Vitamin E (Epiosde 172)

Praise and encouragement. What is the difference? When do you use ‘Vitamin E’ as Dr. Leman calls it? To find out listen to today’s episode!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

The Great American way is to praise, reward, and punish when it comes to raising our families. We as humans want praise and we give praise. Because of this we forget the difference between praise and encouragement. It’s time you focused on the act, not the actor.

I am talking about the Vitamin E- Encouragement.
You cannot overdo it. In fact, if you use Vitamin E, your relationship with your kids will change instantly!

1. Be consistent in your use of encouragement
2. Think your way through it, because it is not natural

Because the grain is set inside us already, it is hard to make this kind of change. It is like pushing a boulder uphill.

In my book, Have a New Kid by Friday, you will find a list of encouragement phrases that you can practice and have “in your back pocket” for those moments!

Also, you’ll find a much of useful resources at Dr. Leman.com

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

16 Year-Old Father; Hides from Discipline- Ask Dr. Leman 78 (Episode 171)

Does your teen want to have a child? What about a son that runs and hides from you whenever you want to discipline him? What is the correct way to handle these problems? Dr. Leman answers these questions on today’s episode.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Monika:

Monika’s 16 year old son, and his girlfriend, are hoping and trying for a baby. After talking with everyone involved, she has found no change in their desire and behavior. “I don’t know how to stop them!”

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

There are times when seeking the support and input of an outside, third-party will help you get the attention of your child, as you will find in both of my answers today.

Shock him.

Post a sign outside your house that reads: “ROOM FOR RENT.”
The harsh realities that await him are certainly not part of his thoughts today.

I would try a couple of approaches on him:

1. Invite a third-party who is neutral in the situation to take him out for a Coke and talk about the realities he is courting.

2. Get him involved in a church nursery or other nursery where he can experience what it is like to have an infant. Have him serve there for at least 3 months.

A great book to read about this topic is A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex.

Question #2 Bridget:

My 5 year old boy keeps having bad behavior and I can’t stop it. The other kids see it and are going to do the same thing. He keeps getting the attention, but I don’t know how to stop myself.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

This boy is a classic attention-getter.

He is powerful.

He says, “I am boss.”
He knows others are watching, but wants the attention
Your job is to ignore him. Fix lunch. Call him once. Sit and enjoy lunch with the other two. Let him hide. He will eventually come out for food.
If you are in the store and he hides from you, call on the manager to speak with him while you stay out of the picture. Again, seeking third-party interference will get his attention.
Bridget, you are a good candidate to read, Parenting Your Powerful Child.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Link

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

The 3 Key Times to Use Vitamin N (Episode 170)

Have you ever felt like a parent who always says, “NO,” or, “Yes?” When is a good time to say, “No,” and how often? ike anything in life, things can be used for good and bad and Dr. Leman explains how to administer ‘Vitamin N’ correctly.

 

N

LISTEN HERE
Play

What is this Vitamin N that Dr. Leman keeps referring to? The Answer:

“NO”

It is to be used sparingly, and with thought and care.

It is a GIFT that you give to your kids, that with a healthy dose of Vitamin E (encouragement) will end in a well-balanced child.

Here are three key times to use Vitamin N:

1. When imminent danger shows its face.

2. After thoroughly talking through and praying over a major decision. That is, talking with the youth and with your spouse in private.

3. Routinely when setting boundaries for the family.

Too much Vitamin N, and the child will be anesthetized to it by the age of 2. Remember, you are gifting your kids by letting them talk to you about the issues that arise, their ideas, desires and dreams. You can use the pocket phrase, “Let me think about that and get back to you on it,” to protect against the overuse of “No.”

We’ll be covering Vitamin E, another important nutrient in your child’s life, on our podcast in two weeks.

A GREAT book to read all about this topic is, Parenting Your Powerful Child.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

 

Subscribe Link

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Daughter Sleeping With Boyfriend- Ask Dr. Leman 77 (Episode 169)

Have you ever wondered what to do if your daughter wanted to have her boyfriend over and you knew they would be sharing a bed? What is the right way to react? Dr. Leman answers this question on today’s episode.

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Nick:

Dr. Leman, what would you say to having your 26 year old daughter and her live-in boyfriend come for an overnight visit at our summer cottage where they would plan to sleep together? I don’t think it is right, but my wife thinks it is okay.

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Many of you will be surprised by my answer to this question!

This is a new day. Millennials don’t bat an eye at living together–even those who go to church and are part of weekly Bible Studies.
They see living together as the heaviest form of dating.

Now, to answer the question:
You have a choice.

She knows how you feel already about their arrangement.

To keep your relationship intact, it is time to extend grace.

Here is the question you have to ask yourself: “Do I want to insure my relationship with my daughter?” Once you make the call to tell her where she and her boyfriend are going to sleep (they are adults), you are done with that relationship. On the other hand, by embracing her and her boyfriend, telling them they are free to come, free to be together, free to sleep anywhere, you are keeping your relationship intact for the future.

I am not saying that I agree with people choosing to live together before they are married, but I am saying that relationship is of utmost importance.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Link

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

3 Rewards of Parenting Well (Episode 168)

We all have those days where we wonder if parenting is worth it, if all our work is going to amount to something and pay off. Well on today’s episode Dr. Leman answers your concerns and explains how and why your work is worth it.

LISTEN HERE
Play

What are 3 Rewards parents will get from Parenting well or the right way?

Changing is HARD. That is not news to any of us. It is easy to try the quick fix. Fail. Retry.
But, it is difficult to have the discipline to get real change to happen.

What are three results parents can expect from parenting well? Is it really worth it to do the hard work of changing my parenting strategies?

YES!

1. You get a guarantee (like the Midas Muffler guarantee) that you will have accessibility to your kids and grandkids. They will want to come home. They will want to be around you.
Life does not end when they walk out the door at 18.

2. You’ll find peace of mind. Do you want the satisfaction of a job well done?
When you send those kids off to college or out into the world, you will be able to look at the big picture and say, “We did a good job.”
Don’t let the little flaws get you down. This is the big picture.

3. There will be a guarantee that you’ll continue to be a dominant factor in their lives.
When you get the phone call from your son or daughter asking, “Mom, Dad, can I run this by you?” or “I value what you think,” you will know that you have done the job well.
Authoritatively. With relationship in mind. In love.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Link

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Molesting Siblings; Slapping Mom- Ask Dr. Leman 76 (Episode 167)

If your child has ever slapped you? What would you do if they ever did? How about a serious attempt to hurt their siblings? How should you react? Dr. Leman answers these tough questions today in this episode.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Shannon:

I am worried about my 8 year old step-child who has attempted to seriously physically hurt the younger kids, and even has been caught molesting the others. Doctors and his other mother feel that he is okay and too young to do anything. What would you do, Dr. Leman, if he was your step-son?”

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Force the blow-out!
Take him back, very unceremoniously, to his mom. Leave him with her to deal with.
He does NOT belong at your house.
You need to protect your other kids.

This one boy is demanding all the attention and hurting the whole family in the process!

Question #2 Gurmit:

My 11 year old son has crossed the line and slapped me in the face because he would rather just stay in the house playing computer games rather than going out for a walk and ice cream. What should I do now?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Mom, you need to exercise your authority. This will not be the last time that this kind of behavior happens.
It is time to make an issue of this physical attack.
Make a record of it with the juvenile authorities.
Don’t let it slip this first time in order to protect yourself and demonstrate your authority.
In other words, nip it in the bud before it is too late.

 

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

The 3 Hardest Parts of Parenting (Episode 166)

Parenting has always been a challenge. It is tiring and frankly, just plain hard sometimes. Why? Are there any ways to make it easier? To find out, listen to Dr. Leman’s answer on today’s episode!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Some days I just want to resign as a parent. It is simply too hard to keep doing! Why?

First of all, the nature of kids is that they are immature and they say and do stupid things. Parents have to deal with this all day long, and the culmination of it is that we LOSE IT!

Here are some reasons why parenting is hard:

1. We try too hard.

We do too many things for our kids because we misinterpret what love is.

2. We make excuses for kids.

We bail them out. This leaves the parent picking up the mess behind them.

3. We want to be the perfect parent…

and we forget that there are bad days and bumps in the road along the way.

4. Love involves discipline…

and that can be hard!

One last thing, if you are a single parent and haven’t read, Single Parenting That Works, I would highly recommend it! You’ll find that a lot of things you struggle with are addressed.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Stop The Perfect Child; Kids Won’t Go To Sleep- Ask Dr. Leman 75 (Episode 165)

Dr. Leman has said he is against perfectionism, but how do you overcome your work to raise a “perfect-child?” What about kids who talk late into the night? What should you do? This episode answers these two questions with Dr. Leman’s unmatched wit and wisdom.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Christine:

I am working on “de-perfecting” my daughter who we were raising as a perfect child. Right my 6 year old is worried about her piano concert, instead of being able to enjoy the experience. What is your advice?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

Perfectionism is slow suicide. I say this often. It drives people to do the impossible.
Perfectionism becomes a weapon to embrace the whole family in the person’s struggle.

I say: “Pursue EXCELLENCE, not perfection!”

Try these pocket phrases on the perfectionist:
“Honey, I know it’s a huge thing to you, but it is not to me.”
“Wow, you’ve really worked hard on that!”

Question #2 Chantal:

My kids share a room and will stay up talking late into the night, sometimes talking for 3-4 hours. How do I get them to stop talking?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

You can’t make a child sleep!

Here are my recommendations:

  • Say nothing
  • Ignore them
  • Eventually they’ll wind down
  • Don’t respond to their questions
  • Go to bed and turn out all the lights

By making a change, you will catch them off guard.
You can use the pocket phrase: “I’m Done!”

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.) 

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

3 Easy Wins For A Parent (Episode 164)

Dr. Leman has compared parenting as a sport or game before, and just like in any game there are easy to score big. On today’s episode Dr. Leman goes over the easiest 3 things you can do to win at parenting!

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Are there three easy reminders parents can take to help them win at parenting?

Keep these in mind, and you will be surprised at the wins in your life!

1. Stay On The Same Page With Your Spouse

When you and your spouse are on the same page, it gives the kids a psychological peace. This is always a win!
If you are arguing about something small, remember that often it is just a battle of the wills, not the real issue. Just flip a coin and move on!
Never let the kids play you against one another.

2. Treat Your Kids Differently

Yes, even identical twins have different fingerprints. We can see this as a reminder that the Almighty God made us all different!
The Birth Order Book will shed some light on this issue.

3. Listen, Listen, Listen!

“Tell me more about that.”
“Hmm, Interesting!”
“You seem bothered by that.”
Kids will talk when they want to talk. By using these pocket phrases, you will open up more opportunities for them to talk.

Listen to the podcast to hear these explained in detail.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Today!

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.

Can’t Stop Pushing; Turns On Me- Ask Dr. Leman 74 (Episode 163)

Do you feel like you are pushing a train up-hill and want to stop but don’t know how? Maybe you are the one who helps your kids with their projects, just to have them turn around and tell you that you did it wrong. What should you do? Dr. Leman answers these two questions on this episode.

Questions

LISTEN HERE
Play

Question #1 Lisa:

I admit that I am over-controlling, but I want to learn how to control less. If I give up controlling and pushing my kids, they won’t do anything. What/how do it do it?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

There are two sides to this equation:

Yourself. Begin by behaving differently, and with an apology to your kids.
You will have to lay down the expectations gently, take away privileges, and tell them, “I am not going to live like this anymore.”

The Kids. Start with food. You don’t feed them. Let them feed themselves. You go out to dinner, and then read a book. Sooner or later they will see that this is not working.

Remember, when a parent is too controlling, they sow seeds of rebellion in their kids.

Question #2 Becky:

I help my youngest with projects, who then turns on me and says I am doing it all wrong. Do I back way or how do I deal with it?

Dr. Leman’s Answer:

You have a powerful four year old on your hands.

The next time this comes up, you:
1. Tell him, “my helping has just come to an end”
2. Walk away
3. Only continue to help when he maintains his composure
4. Use phrases like, “It is a big deal to you, but not to me,” and “I can’t help you anymore”

For more of Dr. Leman’s “pocket phrases,” go to birthorderguy.com and subscribe.

Want More Help?

You can click here to see, specific parenting solutions from Dr. Leman.

COFFEE New Parent Logo Get Go Homework LOGO Final Bedtime Logo 250x250

Subscribe Link

btn-itunes

btn-stitcher

 

 

Announcement

The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an upcoming podcast, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)

Your Feedback

If you have an idea for a podcast or a question about an upcoming episode, e-mail me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks.