Have you ever tried to do the right thing and your kid’s attitude gets worse? Do you get tired of your kids silliness? Dr. Leman answers these questions with his usual wit and wisdom in this podcast episode.
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Question #1
From: Cindy B.
My 13 yr old daughter is our oldest child and, as you say, powerful. I’ve only just started applying your principles. Last night she texted me from her father’s phone to get the computer password, knowing I’d think it was her father. This morning she bullied her younger sister until she cried, again. Then she went into the same sister’s room to take a pair of pants, when yesterday she just got punished for going in there and taking something. I grounded her from a sleep over this weekend and she’s been begging me to give her a different punishment (she knows I’m a push over), but I have been standing my ground. Now she is up in her room destroying things. What do I do? She’s consistently had issues with disobeying behind our backs, breaking and using things secretly that belong to other family members when she’s mad, and sneaking on computers and into other people’s belongings.
I appreciate any help.
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
First, I suggest reading Parenting Your Powerful Child.
You are on the right track by sticking to your guns!
Three things:
- You have too many rules
- You created the powerful child by trying to do everything right.
- Your daughter is saying, “I am not who you think I am.”
How do you re-write her story?
- Stop telling her what to do.
- Ask for her opinion.
- Use my TP illustration.
Question #2
From: Kate S.
I have 2 girls, 5 and 2.5. They LOVE being silly, which at times is fun. At other times, it’s not so fun. They are constantly feeding off each other. It most often happens at dinner, when they want to be silly. It also happens at moments when their father and I are trying to accomplish something or in public ( ex: taking a picture to send to grandparents or stopping by relatives house for a quick visit). My 5 year old gets extremely silly when it’s bedtime (and she loses snuggle time with us, or books). It’s quite extreme. While it makes me happy that they love each other so much, it’s frustrating they can’t understand that at times they need to be more serious. I would love to hear ways to use reality discipline in these situations. At times I’m embarrassed to go certain places because their silliness just gets out of hand.
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
Why are they being silly?
- It is PURPOSIVE behavior because they have learned that they will get a response from you.
- It is an exercise of their power.
Use reality discipline for them, such as dismissing them from the table early. Dinner over. No snacks.
Be grateful, this is a small problem!
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