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What would you do if your 34 year old daughter only said mean and spiteful things to you and her siblings? How will you deal with the birth dad as the step dad? Dr Leman’s answer may surprise you. Yet, free you at the same time.


From: Laura
Subject: Parenting an adult child

How do I deal with my 34 year old daughter who is saying that she didn’t like the way we raised her in our blended family. She is living with her boyfriend and knows that my husband & I don’t approve because it is not biblical. She has now written me a letter saying things that just are not true and she is saying things for her siblings and they don’t know this…. and putting words in my mouth. She has decided to keep me at an arms length. She lives about 4 hours away in another town.

Broken hearted,

Dr. Leman’s response:

  • Laura, you run the risk if you pursue this, of not hearing from her again.
  • I am not a proponent of living together before marriage, but this is the way it is. She is an adult.
  • Ask yourself, what do you want? Relationship.

Here is my advice:

  • Cease communication. NONE. No birthday card. Nothing.
  • Let time take its course.
  • In a few months, when she communicates with you, be warm, ask about her boyfriend, his job, health, etc.
  • Do not be critical or judgmental.
  • You will be there to comfort her someday if she is hurt by this guy.
  • Sometimes silence is golden.

Question #2:

(Audio Question) by Ethan:
I have a 5 and 8 year old step kid. They live in two extremes. When they leave our house and go to their biological father’s house, there is lots of screaming and fits. Their father is emotionally unstable. Will this result in bad behavior later?

  • Having kids in two different homes, ½ and ½ the time is very hard on them.
  • Kids should live in one place.
  • Because the father is emotionally unstable, they will react to the different environments, and it will take a few days to get back to their pleasant selves when they come back to your home.
  • You may want to make a plea with the father to give them a more consistent situation, where they are with you most of the time, and spend one weekend a month with him.


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