Is your 6 year old just like your spouse, hypersensitive, goes to anger in 1 second and lies? Does it seem your 12 year old has 7 different people living in one body? Dr. Leman shares how to deal with both situations with his usual wit and wisdom.
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Question 1:
My six (almost seven) year old, is just like her father. Hyper sensitive to any sort of criticism, lies about silly things (as in I’m not doing “something”, as you watch it happening if front of you), and who’s anger (and volume) goes from 0-60 in 1 second flat. She watches as Daddy gets away with explosive anger, ridiculous lies, and a level of defensiveness I didn’t even know existed. I constantly am reminding her that these behaviours are unacceptable, yet she sees them being played out regularly. How can I instill good values in my daughter when my other half displays these negative behaviours?
Melody
Dr. Leman’s answer:
Kids will always look up, whether to their older sibling, or their parents.
- This child’s behavior is modeled by her father.
- There is nothing you can do to nullify the impact that her father has on her.
- You have a powerful child and a powerful husband. Your husband won’t notice the problem unless you do something very out of character to get him to notice.
- You CAN create situations where the father can experience the results of his modeling.
When she throws one of her tantrums:
- Grab the car keys
- Tell him, “You deal with it”
- Head out for a few hours
- This makes it his problem, since he created it.
Question 2:
How do I appropriately deal with a Tweens attitudes? I swear there are 7 people living in my 12 year old daughter! Not only are her hormones going crazy, but her moods change in the blink of an eye and my husband switches moods just as fast in response. They’re both driving me batty!!
Thanks,
Denise
Dr Leman’s Answer:
- These are crazy years for your teen.
- How do you respond to her mood swings? Both of you need to respond, not react.
- Here are some phrases you can try with her when she says something whacked out or as dumb as mud:
1. “Hmmmmm”
2. “Interesting!”
3. “Tell me more!”
- This will take the power out of what she is saying.
- Don’t pour kerosene on her comments, stay non-judgmental, and learn to RESPOND, not react.
- I would recommend my book, Running the Rapids, about the teen years.
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