Do your kids say really mean things to one another and you don’t know what to say or do? Do feel that your kids go crazy at bedtime? Dr Leman answers these struggles in this episode.
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Question 1: We are changing the word we use to change our relationship. What do I do when my two kids attack each other with hateful words? When do I step in and deal with it?
Answer:
- The short answer is, don’t step in unless you see blood.
- Kids will do verbal sparing all the way through High School. It is normal to verbally fight.
- They will be in each other’s wedding eventually. So don’t worry this will stop at some point.
- If they fight at the table, put them outside or away from the table (if the situation allows, like weather, safety). You have a right to peace and quiet away.
- Later, you can calmly say, “I am disappointed in what you said to your sister.”
Question 2: My two kids, age 6 and 4, go crazy when it is bedtime. They climb walls, book cases, the refrigerator and other dangerous situations. How do I create a safe place to go to bed?
Answer:
- They are creating needs at bedtime. It is called purposive behavior. Behavior with the purpose to delay going to bed.
- They only do this, because it works for them.
Action Steps:
- Take both kids into their room.
- Close the door.
- There will be an explosion.
- Hold the door closed.
- The first time closing the door will take a long time, like 15 to 30 minutes.
- Put them into bed once they are calm
- This may take up to 3 times. 3 is the maximum.
Announcement
The next session is on Focus on the Act, Not the Actor. If you have a question or thought regarding this topic, please leave us a voicemail for the next session. It must be under 30 seconds for the podcast. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)
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Podcast by: Dr. Kevin Leman with Doug & Andrea Terpening Blog: Doug Terpening