Worried about your kids hygiene? How do you know if your child is really suicidal? Dr. Kevin Leman answers those question on this podcast.
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Question #1
I have a 13 year old daughter that does not take care of herself. She could care less about her body, her hair, her clothes. Her hair is greasy and gross and she could care less. She smells and once again she could care less. She has a bladder problem that we have been dealing with for 10 years. I keep thinking that at some point that she would take some pride in herself and how she looks and smells.
She also acts ALOT younger than her age. That is a big problem as well.
Her brother needs someone to look up to but with her “young” behavior it rubs off on him and I have 2 times the trouble.
It is getting to be very hard to be around her. Her brother brushes his teeth in my bathroom because her dirty and smelly clothes are too much for him.
My husband does not want to be around her and I know it is putting a strain of their relationship and mine with my husband. It is hard to go anywhere because of her lack of cleanliness.
I just need some HELP! I just want to move on from this and be able to enjoy time with my daughter…. Instead of worrying about if she smells of urine or not.
Thanks
A frustrated, emotionally tired mom
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
The problem here is that you care so much, that she does not care. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Plan to go out to dinner
2. Tell her she cannot ride in your car because “You smell”
3. Give her time to shower up, but don’t tell her to shower
The bottom line is that you have to stop telling her what to do, and just tell her, “You smell” at appropriate times. Eventually peer pressure should catch up with her as well, and she will shower.
Question #2
How do you know when talk of hurting themselves or suicide is really serious or a deep power struggle for an almost 14 year old boy?
I took his xbox away for being difficult to get up for school.
Since then, he has done a total change. Always an A – B student, he has thrown his grades, stopped taking a shower, stopped doing chores, will not speak to us, thrown things around his room, sitting on his bed crying but not speaking.
Because of the sudden change in his school behavior he met with the school psychologist who asked him depression test questions and he stated he thought about hurting himself and felt like he belonged Nowhere. I have taken his game before for not adhering to time limits we set, and one time he scratched his wrists with an object where I could see red lines or welts, but it did not cut the skin or bleed. I did speak to him at that time and felt this was a control thing to get his game back, yet is stays in the back of my mind. he says he has nothing to do without his xbox, so I am concerned about addiction to gaming.
Any help or direction and prayer is appreciated.
I do not know what to do this morning.
Thank you,
Carrie
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
These things have to be taken seriously, so by you going to the psychologist and getting an evaluation, you did the right thing.
In addition to that, you have a powerful son. He is working you.
Here are some ABC of parenting questions you can ask yourself:
1. Accept. Do you accept him? Do you treat him differently than other kids?
2. Belong. Where does he belong? How much does he give back to the family by contributing through work around the home?
3. Competance. What is he good at? Provide opportunities for him to be part of groups that he shares an interest with.
Finally, ask yourself, “What is our relationship really like?” This all goes back to your relationship with him.
I would encourage you to read these two books:
Planet Middle School
Have a New Teenager by Friday
Announcement
The next session is an Ask Dr. Leman. If you have a question for Dr. Leman that you want answered on an up coming podcat, please leave us a voicemail for. We reserve the right to use your question on the podcast. (This is NOT a private voicemail for personal counseling.)