Are you kids super scared of simple things? Do your kids have a weight problem? Dr. Leman answers these questions with his usual wit and wisdom.
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Question #1 Scared to go upstairs
i am desperate to find a way to help my 9 & 12 yr old boys over their fear of being alone. they will choose any manner of discipline over having to go upstairs alone, take a bath alone, sometimes even use the bathroom alone. this has been going on for years (and i expected it would pass so we didn’t make a big deal out of it) but now we are in a new house and it is even worse. they will even go into panic attacks if we try to make them go upstairs without someone (even the dog gets roped into coming along). neither of them can verbalize why they are so scared…they are just convinced that something is waiting to “get them”. please help!!!
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
Fear is usually a learned thing because parents have overreacted to kid’s fear, or the kids were caught in some sort of situation where they were surprised.
As your question states, you did not make a big deal out of their fear, yet they still use it as PURPOSIVE BEHAVIOR.
Purposive behavior serves a purpose for a child because they know they will get a certain reaction from their parent.
Here is my suggestion to you:
1. Do not have a bed time for the boys
2. You head to bed whenever you are ready. “Good night! I am off to bed!”
3. Let the boys choose where they are going to sleep. Couch, floor in hallway, stairway landing, etc. (But NOT your room)
4. Sleep is natural. Eventually they will sleep. They will face their fear.
Question #2 Obese kids
From: Gemma
My kid is 9 and is about 110 lbs. and my son whose 7 88lbs. Their dad is a 200 pounder himself. I wanted my kids to lose weight but they don’t seem to care. I’m tired of carrying the overwhelming burden. I cooked healthier food and exercised with them. Help!!! Can this be their way of gaining control?
Dr. Leman’s Answer:
Your kids sense when something like weight is a big deal to you. Once you start making an issue out of it, you will find yourself banging your head against the wall.
My thoughts for you:
You did marry a 200 pound man. Lots of 200-pounders are in great shape.
Women generally are the shoppers and cooks…at your house who brings the food into the house?
You can choose healthy options for your family to eat at home.
I do suggest getting kids off of sugar as much as possible.
Remember, above all, that love does not demand its own way.
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